I am the Rose

I'll admit it. I've been struggling. Struggling to know God even deeper. I know there's more than just saying "I believe in God" and spouting off a couple of Bible verses here and there.

I've been experiencing Him in new ways, ways I never used to think were possible. And yet I feel caught in the middle. I want my relationship with Him to take leaps and bounds, but I feel like I'm taking so many mini steps, sometimes even backwards steps. I take giant steps in some areas, but then I also tend to stay stagnant in others, which prevents me from breaking through new barriers.

I woke up this morning feeling this stagnancy. I started praying desperate prayers to my Father, knowing that He was listening, but still feeling like He was so far away. After about an hour of just hanging out in my room before I officially got out of bed, I saw a post from my roommate on my Facebook wall. This is what it read:

The Lord wants me to tell you,

"Daughter, I do not change. Wherever you go, I am there. I am in front of you, I am behind you, and I am with you. Do not fear, but be strong and of good courage. Trust in Me and be fully dependent on Me, for when you are, there is not a care in the world. Even when it feels like I am not with you, I am. Believe in Me. I have told you that I will be with you always...Now it is time to take My word for it."

I love you Tor..But Jesus loves you so much more.

Whoa. 

After the video, she posted a song called More than Ashes by Tim Reimherr/
Merchant Band (seriously...watch it.)

After reading her message and listening to the song, tears just started streaming down my eyes. Here is the Holy Spirit using my wonderful roommate to speak directly to my heart. His message to me through my roommate and the song she showed me literally touched on everything I had been thinking about deep down. I was simply in awe.

God spoke to me. 

He spoke to me. 

He heard me.

He responded to me.

I am not defined by anything but what He thinks of me. And I am His rose. I am the joy He died for. I move Him with delight.

This is the truth. Satan is great at convincing me that I'm too much, or not enough (sometimes both at the same time, if that's even possible). But. that. is. a. LIE. The truth is that He is ravished by the sight of one glance from me. I am the Rose...

I am His.

Nothing I Can Do

Here's a list I made of traits I would use to describe as my "old" sinful nature before becoming a Christian:

• selfish
• complainer
• judgmental
• achiever
• "good person"
• prideful
• unhappy
• consumed by materialism
• exhausted
• defensive
• too talkative
• attention stealer
• considered myself better than everyone else
• lustful
• feeling unloved
• empty
• flirty
• greedy
• horrible at sharing
• gluttonous
• gossipy
• self-helper (I can do this on my own)
• planner
• snaps back
• overly sarcastic

I decided to make this list as a reflection on the changes in my life that God has made. I made the list, and then was going to circle anything on the list I felt the Lord was still trying to work on my heart in. I figured since there were a lot of the areas I've already improved tremendously in since accepting the Lord into my heart two years ago, there wouldn't be too much to circle.

However.

As I began circling things, I realized I needed to circle every single one of the items on the list. Even though I may not be as terrible in certain areas anymore, I'm still completely and utterly guilty of all of those traits. And I always will be. I am THAT sinful. No, this is not an easy thing to admit, especially in public. But it needs to be said. Because this is exactly why I know I need Christ in my life.

If I tried to make it in this life on my own, I would be in Hell if I died tonight. There is literally nothing I can do to save myself. I'm so beyond guilty it's embarrassing, really.  I don't deserve God's love. But is Hell where I would end up? No! God's grace has covered me. I don't even understand why He would have such mercy on such a pitiful creature like myself. And yet, He extended out His loving arm when He sent His one and only Son Jesus Christ, who led a perfect and sinless life, to die on the cross for my sins. I did that to Him. Jesus died so I could live in Heaven with God forever. 

Why? Why would He do that?! I will never be able to fathom that kind of love.

However, I do know that by accepting that love and sacrifice, and by laying my life down before my King and my Redeemer, I am made perfect in His eyes. And because of this, I can live in freedom. 

This changes everything.

With the Holy Spirit within me and guiding me, I am free to live my life with purpose for my King. Why would I want to live it for myself when that only leads me to my own demise? Praise God for the blood of Christ!

EPHESIANS 2:1-10 (NLT)

"Once you were dead because of your disobedience and your many sins. You used to live in sin, just like the rest of the world, obeying the devil-the commander of the powers in the unseen world. He is the spirit at work in the hearts of those who refuse to obey God. All of us used to live that way, following the passionate desires and inclinations of our sinful nature. By our very nature we were subject to God's anger, just like everyone else. But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (it is only by God's grace that you have been saved!) For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus. So God can point to us in all future ages as examples of the incredible wealth of his grace and kindness toward us,  as show in in all he has done for us who are united with Christ Jesus. God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can't take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."

Little Hands

I love kids. A lot. They drive me up a wall sometimes, but I love them to death.

I've had the honor of being the lead summer camp instructor at Sky Centers Martial Arts for the past two summers, teaching children ages 4-13 martial arts. Each week there's also a different theme, such as "Ninja Skills," "Samurai Sword, "Movie Stunts," etc., making it even more fun. Unfortunately, I have only two more days to spend with my summer campers before I head back to school. It makes me so sad to think that I have to leave them to go to school again. So in their honor, I thought I'd reflect on my experience with them a little bit.

This doesn't go without saying that I've had my challenges with these kids. I've dealt with multiple disabilities, such as OCD, ADHD, being seizure-prone, autism (on different levels), high anxiety, and more. I've had four-year-olds barely potty-trained. I've had thirteen-year-olds who are too cool for school. I've had children who have never done martial arts in their life. I've had children getting ready to test for their black belt. I've had children who hardly talk, and children who can't keep their mouth from moving. Did I mention that this variety exists in our class every single day?

I've learned a lot as a summer camp instructor. I've become the ultimate lie-detector. I know if an injury needs an ice-pack, a quick rub and pat on the back, or a band-aid. I know when to call a parent, and when to let it go. I know how to get a kid to smile after getting upset about something little. I know which kids work good together and which to keep separate. I know who's best friends with who. I know how to learn something for the first time just ten minutes before I have to teach it to the entire class. I know exactly how each child is going to react to a specific situation. I know how to yell louder than twenty yelling kids combined. I know how to keep myself collected after a child punches me in anger. I know how to stop a temper tantrum. Most of all, I am learning how to love a child unconditionally, because Christ loves me unconditionally.

There is not a doubt in my mind that God has been working through me as I've worked with these kids for the past two summers. There are points where I've broken down crying during our fifteen minute break periods because I was just so overwhelmed by my job. In fact, I've gotten so upset at times, I've actually gotten sick from stress. God has torn me down many times, humbling me in remembrance that I am NOT perfect and will not always succeed. But after those breakdowns, God also builds me up. My endurance and perseverance has increased SO much. My remedies for seemingly big problems have become as simple as Mary Poppins' spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down.  My patience has grown 300%. My love for the individuality and uniqueness of each of the children has grown to a point that I wished I was able to adopt each of them as my own.

God has blessed me with these children. I may not always understand their behavior, and they may drive me up the wall, but there are also moments He blesses me with that makes it all worth it. Moments like a hug and being told I'm the best summer camp instructor they've had. Having a kid jump on my back, even though I told them not to, but knowing that they do it because they want to play with me. Being ambushed whenever I show up during one of their regular karate classes, because "Oh my goodness! SENSEI TORI IS HERE!!" Seeing a kid struggle all summer to walk away from another kid saying mean things, and then actually DO it and realize that walking away was the easiest and best thing to do in the first place. Seeing a child's face light up when they realize that they've accomplished something after a lot of hard work. Having dance parties without a care in the world. Receiving hand-drawn pictures and colored pages just for me. Being asked to watch a child jump off the diving board, because they want me to be proud of them for finally overcoming their fear. Saying bye to the campers at the end of the day and being run at at full speed for a group hug. All of these moments are blessings and are the little things that keep me going throughout each day.

God has blessed me and taught me so many things in so many ways through these children. I will never forget any of them. They will always be a part of my heart, and I will continue to pursue a career, in some way or another, that allows me to pour my heart into these children, showing them Christ's love and helping them to become the best they can possibly be.

Me and my summer campers from last summer!

Leading Paths Straight

I haven't written in a week or so, mostly because I haven't been really sure about what to talk about. I have been filled with ideas, and yet this week has had me absolutely stumped. But I think I finally decided what I'd like to write about: I'd like to talk about my future.

As most of you know, I really struggle with trusting God with my future. I am an organizer, and when it comes to planning events, doing assignments, or knowing what my summer job a year from now will be, I want to plan it right now so that I can predict exactly what to expect. However, as we all know, our plans never tend to go the way we want them to.

I'm one of those people who enjoys quite a large variety of activities and hobbies. I like knitting, karate, reading, working with kids, hiking, going on adventures, biking, watching my favorite shows, etc. The list could go on and on. After college, I could see myself working full-time for an away summer camp, being a teacher, going abroad for a year or two and teaching English, working with orphans, working with refugees, moving to Colorado, staying in Chicago, moving to Berea (where my school is) permanently, going to seminary school, working in children's ministry at a church, or just simply being a stay-at-home mom. Again, the list is endless. And you know what? Every time I think I have my life figured out, the Lord completely redirects my life into a direction I never thought it could take. Simply put, my plans never work out. However, the Lord's plans have been carried out every single time. It's in His very nature. His will be done.

I always thought my way would be best. You know the old saying, "my way or the highway." That's been my thought process for most of my life. But now that the Lord truly has a hand on my life, and I've surrendered it over to Him, my mindset has changed. I'm realizing that I can never accurately predict my future. I can't know exactly what I'm going to do a year from now. I don't know who I will be as a person, who will come in and out of my life, where I will live, what my job will be, if I'll go to graduate school, or anything else. But I'm learning to be okay with that. After all, if I knew every twist and turn my life would take, where would my adventure with the Almighty Father be?

God has brought me to such incredible events, people, places, and life experiences in just the last two years I've grown in my relationship with Him. I've met an incredible group of Christian friends on campus, have studied abroad in Ecuador, have visited Italy, have decided on my major in Education, have taught a martial arts summer camp for two summers, have gotten through multiple family crises, have gone on a missions trip to Panama City Beach, FL, and so much more in just the last two years. If you had asked me two years ago if I would have ever done any of these things, my answer to most of them would be "no way!" But that's the glory of God at work!

The more I pursue Him, the more he leads my paths straight, straight being the direction of His will for my life. I don't always understand why I'm going through what I'm going through. Sometimes it seems like a piece of cake, and other times I feel like I'll never make it out alive. However, God is good. He never leaves me. He never forsakes me. He wants the best for my life, and more than anything, for me to know Him on a deeper and deeper level.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will lead your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

From Martha to Mary

I am a Martha. I have spent my whole life worrying. Worrying about my grades. Worrying about how things will work themselves out. Worrying about my safety. Worrying that I'll end up alone for the rest of my life. Worrying that I'm not good enough for others. Worrying that my life is wasting away. Worrying that God couldn't possibly use me for anything worthy of His holy and perfect will. Martha was this person too. She worried about the little details. She worried about serving Christ from a human perspective.

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:38-42)

The first time I read this passage, I didn't think much of it. In fact, I didn't really understand what Jesus was getting at. In my mind, Martha had done nothing wrong. She was serving Christ through her hospitality, making sure everything was perfect and set for His stay at her home. I was confused by the word "distracted" thrown into this passage. Martha wasn't distracted, she was just busy preparing for the Lord! I would have been upset too if I was doing all the work and my sister was just sitting there doing nothing.

But as the Lord has been rebuilding my heart this summer, my perspective on this passage has dramatically changed. As I mentioned in my post, "In Pursuit of the One I Love," the Lord has been showing me this summer the importance of spending quality alone time with Him every day. Since this has become a habit to me, I now realize that when I go a day or more without it, my soul craves to be nearer to Him. I don't feel right, and all my paths are led astray (the opposite of what Psalm 3:6 calls me to do!). I make more sinful mistakes, I am more edgy, I am less likely to be kind to those I don't feel deserve it, I lose my patience with my summer campers, etc. Now, when I have gone a day or more without truly spending time with my Creator, it becomes extremely clear what a difference it makes in my life when I purposely set spending time with God as my priority each and every day. When I first made the conscious decision to do this, Mary's actions (or lack of in Martha's eyes) made complete sense to me for the first time.

Here's the other thing: at first when reading this passage, I didn't feel like Martha was really worried or upset as Jesus claimed her to be. She just seemed to want to serve Him in the best way she knew how. But that's exactly what I think Jesus was trying to teach her: Martha would not please Christ by serving Him through her human perspective of being hospitable, but rather through sitting quietly at His feet, willing to listen to the Truth He had to share with her and her sister. He wanted her to focus on spending quality time with Him, setting her eyes on Him, rather than trying to earn His love through her actions. God loves His creation. It doesn't matter what we do or how badly we sin, He still loves us. It's in His very nature (now, that doesn't mean that He won't turn away from us if we turn away from Him, but it does mean that His love for us does not depend on our own actions to try to make Him love us...thank goodness!). Mary recognized this. She knew there was nothing she could do to make Jesus love her more or love her less; however, she did know that she would best please Him by sitting humbly at His feet, giving Him her absolute full attention for the short time He stayed with them.

The Lord is slowly changing my heart from a Martha to a Mary. Though I still struggle not to busy myself in trying to gain His affection, He is being patient with me and showing me what it really means to simply love Him and give Him my full attention. When I do spend this quality time with Him, my actions are actually led by Him, making them more fruitful and edifying than if I had just tried to do them on my own accord.

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will lead your paths straight. (Psalm 3:6)

Praise God!

Olympic Grandeur

Why is it that humans are so competitive? There is such a drive to win that is deeply rooted in our souls. I've been reminded of this as I've watched some of the Olympics this week. Ironically, the only part I've been able to watch so far was girls gymnastics and men's swimming, both in which USA won gold's for the night I watched them. Though this was super exciting to watch, especially with my new friends in my 20Somethings Bible Study, it really got us thinking. Why are we always rooting for those most likely to win? Why don't we start rooting for the underdogs?

Now, granted, nationalism in the strongest sense emerges when worldwide events such as the Olympics come around. But when you think about how many golds countries such as the USA and China have won over the years, you have to stop and think of why that is. Are these two countries not two of the richest countries in the entire world? Aren't they at an advantage to less wealthy opposition? Training at such a professional level costs a fortune. As I bring these questions about, I am not intending to say that I do not support my own country (USA). However, it is something to think about as we watch events such as the Olympics.

There was another thing that bothered me as I watched the Olympics a couple nights ago. I was watching a swim event in which Michael Phelps got a Silver. When the camera zoomed in on his face after he found he just barely missed winning the Gold for the umpteenth time, all he showed was a look of pure disappointment. However, the man who won Gold (who, if I'm recalling correctly, was from Australia), was jumping up in down in the water in excitement because he had never won a Gold in the Olympics before. Phelps' reaction really bothered me. How could someone with so many Gold medals really be so bothered by winning one Silver? Not only that, but the fact that he even won a Silver in the OLYMPICS is absolutely incredible! I just wish he would have found joy still placing second in such a competitive Olympic sport.

Philippians 2:3-4 says:

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

I think the Olympics can get to some of our heads sometimes. Athletes are competing to be the best in the world. But when they lose, many can't humbly accept that they have been bumped off of the pedestal. Even audience members or supporters tend to get really upset when their home country doesn't win. This verse is the reason why I disagreed with Michael Phelps' reaction to getting 2nd place.

As I reflect further on these thoughts about the Olympics, it reminds me of Hebrews 12:1-3:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Let's face it, Olympic athletes are hard workers. They train hours upon hours a day, and must discipline themselves with their time consummation, their eating habits, and always training at 110%. In this sense, I think we could all take a lesson from them in the way we pursue fulfilling the Great Commission for Christ. Yes, there will be obstacles. Yes, there will be opposition. Yes, their will be pain. And yes, we may not always win in the eyes of the world. However, Christ doesn't care about what the world deems is worthy of a "Gold." He looks at our hearts. Are they fixed on ourselves, or on humbly serving others? Are they striving to know Christ on a deeper and more personal level every single minute of every single day? Are they loving others as Christ loves us? If we start focusing on exalting the Almighty God rather than ourselves, we will win a Gold every single time.

For what is our hope, our joy, or the crown in which we will glory in the presence of our Lord Jesus when he comes? Is it not you? Indeed, you are our glory and joy. (1 Thessalonians 2:19-20)

To Have and To Hold

Weddings are beautiful events. But what makes a wedding truly beautiful is the unstoppable love that simply emanates from the bride and groom. This past weekend, on Sunday, July 29th, I was blessed enough to be able to experience this feeling firsthand as my brother Ken married his gorgeous fiance Sarah. I don't think I've ever experienced something so beautiful.

I was honored to stand as a one of the bridesmaids at the wedding, and being part of the wedding party gave me an even deeper insight to the love that resided between the two. It started with the rehearsal dinner on Saturday night. My whole family was there and though it seemed at the rehearsal that all the loose ends wouldn't come together, we still had a blast. It was a night filled with laughter and anticipation of the next day to finally come. Since both Sarah's dad and the pastor were in wheelchairs and would be helping to marry Ken and Sarah, there were some adjustments we had to make to the way the ceremony was laid out, but they were worked out perfectly! It made for a beautiful and flawless ceremony the next day. I was even asked by my brother to serve communion to people during the service/ceremony! 

After the rehearsal we all went to Carol, the pastor's, house to have some BBQ and hang out. It was a fun time meeting some new people and just relaxing before the big day. Sarah and Ken even surprised all of the groomsmen with personalized pocket knives, and the bridesmaid and man of honor with robes with our initials embroidered on them! However, I think my favorite part was getting to see everyone work together to clean up after the party. No one really knew each other, and yet everyone worked together to wash and put away dishes, fold up tables and chairs, load up cars, etc. Seeing people serve one another selflessly as Jesus Christ served others was a truly beautiful sight :)

The bridesmaids, man of honor, and Sarah with our awesome robes! 

That night I was able to hang out with some of the bridesmaids and the man of honor at Sarah's house. We all slept over at her house to help each other get ready in the morning. However, Sarah astoundingly did her OWN hair... and it turned out BEAUTIFUL!! In fact we didn't have a single crisis the whole morning of getting ready (well, minus the fact that the man of honor happened to forget his tux on the bus he took to get into town and had to drive an hour away the morning of the wedding to pick it up from the bus yard!) We were all set and ready to go by 10:45am and headed to the church. Thank God that all of our hair and makeup turned out great, even though we did it all ourselves!

Sarah's hair that she did herself!

When we got to the church we did last minute preparations to get ready. But my favorite moment was seeing Sarah step into her wedding dress for the completed look. The sparkle in her eyes and the way her face glowed once she saw how beautiful she looked in the mirror was priceless. Here was a girl that God created in His own image, being prepared to hand over to Ken, a man also created in His own image; this was the day they were to be joined together to serve the Lord together even better as one. And you could read the excitement for that moment on every inch of her face.

Before we knew it, it was time to start walking down the aisle. I was nervous because I was the first bridesmaid to step down the aisle in front of a crowd of 370 people (yes, you heard me right!). However, it worked out well because once I took my place next to my other brothers standing up on Ken's side, I was able to watch the rest of the bridesmaids walk out and then finally watch as the bride stepped out with her parents. Though I couldn't see Ken's face that well from where I was standing, I could see Sarah's, and tears had already started building in her eyes. That's when I caught a glimpse of Ken's face: a look of the purest joy spread across his face, a joy I have never seen him express except for when he was baptized last summer and whenever he looks at Sarah. But this time was different, because he wasn't just looking at his girlfriend or fiance, he was looking at his bride :)

The rest of the ceremony was fantastic. Sarah's dad spoke beautiful words to both of them as he prepared to give his daughter over to Ken. I couldn't keep the tears from welling in my eyes the entire hour-long ceremony. It was just too pure and lovely. All anxieties that led up to this day were gone, and there was only Sarah and Ken and presence of the Holy Spirit, who had brought these two together when all of us least expected it. 

There were two receptions, one for the general population that attended the ceremony and the later one for close family and friends. The venue for the later reception was at a place called the Danada House, a beautiful white house that resides right on an equestrian center. The reception was a blast too, with incredible choices in music (well, at least in my opinion!) There were a lot of songs played by the Beatles, Frank Sinatra, Jack Johnson, and other similar artists. After the cake was cut and the bride and groom danced their first dance, one of my favorite moments of the night occurred: the father/daughter dance. Now, since Sarah's dad is in a wheelchair, they couldn't have your typical dance together. So what did they do? Coordinate a dance to "Eye of the Tiger!" It was hilarious and amazing! It couldn't have described either of their fun-loving personalities more perfectly. It just goes to show that when you find your hope in joy in God, you will always find pure joy in the things you can do.

Sarah really liked her bouquet :)

The beautiful new couple in front of the Danada House for the reception!

I enjoyed dancing that last couple hours with some close family friends, my mom, and brother, and even my gramma (who completely showed me up doing the Twist!). It was simply a blast. Everyone had fun and everyone's worries were far behind them. All in all, the entire day turned out perfectly!

Dancing the night away

I guess as my ending note to this whole story of the wedding would be this: I have had a rough summer, but this was a weekend of pure joy. Though I have been learning to be joyful always, as 1 Thessalonians 5:16 calls me to do, it's good to have days to just be able to celebrate. And Ken and Sarah's marriage was definitely something to celebrate. None of us thought Ken would ever get married, and over the years God has been working in amazing ways in his life. Meeting, dating, and now marrying Sarah is one of them. God blesses us in ways we could never imagine! To be able to celebrate one of the blessings with them was definitely one of the highlights of my summer, let alone the whole year. God is so good!

Me and my beautiful mother!

My mom and I with the man of the day!

Me and two other bridesmaids

Me and my brother Joey :)

I just love this :)

In Pursuit of the One of I Love

Hello everyone! I will admit that I have not kept up with this blog as I hoped to. However, I would like to keep track of things that have been truly on my heart this summer and that I feel the Lord has been teaching me. I want to use this blog to not only share how the Lord has been teaching me to laugh without fear of the future, but to encourage others who may be struggling down some of the same roads. So for this post, though it will be longer than usual, I would like to focus on my pursuit of Jesus Christ so far this summer.

Since I gave my life to the Lord almost two years ago, I have been growing by leaps and bounds in Christ. He keeps bringing me to new seasons of my life, and I have been learning something new in each of them. He has been edifying me on deeper and deeper levels. I also have grown deeper into an intimate relationship with Him. In order to explain, let me start by giving you the whole story of where the Lord brought my heart this summer...

At the beginning of this summer (in May), I struggled. I struggled a lot. I was extremely excited to be reunited with my family, since I live 6 hours away from them for most of the year while I'm at school. However, I have grown so incredibly close to my brothers and sisters in Christ at Baldwin Wallace University, that it broke my heart to have to leave them back in Ohio. So the first month back in Illinois was rough. On top of everything, my two best friends from home weren't around. One stayed in Michigan for the summer, and the other was studying abroad in Italy for six weeks. Though my heart rejoiced for them, I also felt selfishly pained by it, feeling very alone without any friends to spend my summer with.

But even though I had my doubts, the Lord pursued me and put it on my heart to start riding my bike more often. I would go on 16 mile rides or just a quick four mile ride to the park. At the park, I would not only experience in full the joy of God's beauty in nature, but I also started to dig into my Bible and sit quietly in prayer. These were the first days of my Christian walk that I truly tried to start spending quality quiet time with the Lord every single day. Though it felt forced at first, it gradually grew into a daily need. Reading the Word and praying in my heart to my Father in Heaven became my daily bread, the daily bread that God promises me to sustain me. For the first time in my life, I realized that my best friend always was and always will be Jesus Christ himself.

Reading my Bible in the beautiful Panfish Park!

Fast forward to the end of May: I found out that a friend I used to bowl with was in a coma. He's only 19 years old. I later found out his lungs and heart stopped functioning on their own due to a bad reaction to the anesthesia he was put on to get his tonsils taken out. I was in complete and utter shock. Then, only two days later, a day I was fasting for his full recovery, I found out my grandma had a stroke that paralyzed her right arm and leg. I seriously couldn't believe it. Could God really be putting me through all this, let alone all at the same time?

The next two weeks were insanity. I visited my grandma in the hospital 40 minutes away every day for a full week, and then started visiting less often so that I could help take care of the house while my mom continued her visits to the hospital, and later, the rehab center my grandma got moved to. Though I was stressed and confused about how all this could be happening to me, I continued to pray and draw near to the Lord. In fact, I don't think I had ever felt as close to the Lord as I did in those two weeks. It was the first time I realized that adversity is really a blessing in disguise. My walk with the Lord grew abundantly in those two weeks, and I finally was put in a situation where I could do nothing but trust in Him. And He provided.

My friend who was in the coma came out of the coma after only a few days and started recovering at rapid rates. He had actually suffered from four strokes, and was partially paralyzed on the right side as my grandma was. I was fortunate enough to be able to visit him at the hospital one day and get to catch up with his family and encourage him in his fight to recover. With that fighting spirit, he is miraculously almost completely back to his original state before the whole incident happened. I say miraculously because his recovery from barely making through the night, to being in a coma, to being almost completely back to normal is a miracle. As for my grandma, her older age has slowed down her recovery rate, though she has made some leaps and bounds in the past two months. She was finally able to go home after three or so weeks in rehab. She still needs as wheelchair, someone to stay with her at all times, and help walking with her cane, but I am grateful she can move. I worry about her progress from here on out because she struggles  accepting the new changes she has to make to her lifestyle, but I'm learning to trust God with those details too. I know I just have to lay them at His feet.

Pure Beauty

Have you ever stopped to observe the beauty of God has given for us to enjoy in this world?

The beauty of a hearty laugh.
The beauty of a shy smile.
The beauty of an innocent child's mature question.
The beauty of lightning and thunder rolling in a harmonious symphony.
The beauty of a prayer miraculously being answered.
The beauty of a smiling and laughing baby.
The beauty of a new plant root shooting up out of the ground.
The beauty of seeing that you've made someone's day.
The beauty of hearing hundreds of voices join together as one as they sing praises to their Father in heaven.
The beauty of seeing two people madly in love with each other.
The beauty of hearing an inspiring story.
The beauty of encouragement.
The beauty of being reunited with a family or friend.
The beauty of reading an old journal entry.
The beauty of creating something unique.
The beauty of looking through an old photo album or watching old home videos.
The beauty of unity.
The beauty of  sunrises and sunsets.
The beauty of fluffy white clouds perfectly contrasting a baby blue sky.
The beauty of listening to a handwritten song.
The beauty of reading a letter written by someone dear to you.
The beauty of a genuine compliment.
The beauty of seeing your favorite color.
The beauty of seeing a field of flowers.
The beauty of hearing a favorite song come on the radio.
The beauty of a broken spirit.
The beauty of a pain blooming into something incredibly joyful.
The beauty of an autumn leaf lightly falling to the ground.
The beauty of one human soul helping another hurting human soul.
The beauty of a quiet and gentle spirit.
The beauty of the moment a parent becomes extremely proud of their child.
The beauty of the joy that comes from the simple things, like jumping in a puddle.
The beauty of seeing a person humbly cry in front of you.
The beauty of God's gift of salvation through the sending of his one and only Son to die on the cross to save us from eternal death, just to give us an eternal life that we can never do anything to deserve.

Beauty is not defined by our outward appearance. Beauty is defined by the joy that moments and events like these bring us. Christ is beauty, and Christ died so that we could experience beauty in this life to further glorify Him. Praise be to the one who is Beauty himself.

"You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you." (Song of Solomon 4:7)

The Faith Dare

I have been back on campus at Baldwin-Wallace College for a week now, and something has changed.

I've started to accept that I'm not in control of my destiny.

In fact, I've finally started to truly grasp the fact that my life was never really mine to begin with. I belong to someone far greater than myself, who has known and planned every detail of my life from the moment I was conceived and until the moment I die. He is my Almighty Father.

My roommate proposed a week ago that we take a challenge together, and that challenge comes through the form of a book called, The Faith Dare by Debbie Alsdorf. It is a 30 day challenge in which Hanna and I will explore what it truly means to step off the edge of that cliff of fear and doubt and put our complete faith in God.

Therefore, starting on Wednesday, I will be blogging about the Faith Dare Challenge for the next 30 days. I am extremely excited to see what God reveals to me in the next month. I am ready to take my faith to a new level, and I hope you'll follow me every step of the way :)

"Be fully persuaded that God has power to do what he has promised." (Romans 4:21)