Little Hands

I love kids. A lot. They drive me up a wall sometimes, but I love them to death.

I've had the honor of being the lead summer camp instructor at Sky Centers Martial Arts for the past two summers, teaching children ages 4-13 martial arts. Each week there's also a different theme, such as "Ninja Skills," "Samurai Sword, "Movie Stunts," etc., making it even more fun. Unfortunately, I have only two more days to spend with my summer campers before I head back to school. It makes me so sad to think that I have to leave them to go to school again. So in their honor, I thought I'd reflect on my experience with them a little bit.

This doesn't go without saying that I've had my challenges with these kids. I've dealt with multiple disabilities, such as OCD, ADHD, being seizure-prone, autism (on different levels), high anxiety, and more. I've had four-year-olds barely potty-trained. I've had thirteen-year-olds who are too cool for school. I've had children who have never done martial arts in their life. I've had children getting ready to test for their black belt. I've had children who hardly talk, and children who can't keep their mouth from moving. Did I mention that this variety exists in our class every single day?

I've learned a lot as a summer camp instructor. I've become the ultimate lie-detector. I know if an injury needs an ice-pack, a quick rub and pat on the back, or a band-aid. I know when to call a parent, and when to let it go. I know how to get a kid to smile after getting upset about something little. I know which kids work good together and which to keep separate. I know who's best friends with who. I know how to learn something for the first time just ten minutes before I have to teach it to the entire class. I know exactly how each child is going to react to a specific situation. I know how to yell louder than twenty yelling kids combined. I know how to keep myself collected after a child punches me in anger. I know how to stop a temper tantrum. Most of all, I am learning how to love a child unconditionally, because Christ loves me unconditionally.

There is not a doubt in my mind that God has been working through me as I've worked with these kids for the past two summers. There are points where I've broken down crying during our fifteen minute break periods because I was just so overwhelmed by my job. In fact, I've gotten so upset at times, I've actually gotten sick from stress. God has torn me down many times, humbling me in remembrance that I am NOT perfect and will not always succeed. But after those breakdowns, God also builds me up. My endurance and perseverance has increased SO much. My remedies for seemingly big problems have become as simple as Mary Poppins' spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down.  My patience has grown 300%. My love for the individuality and uniqueness of each of the children has grown to a point that I wished I was able to adopt each of them as my own.

God has blessed me with these children. I may not always understand their behavior, and they may drive me up the wall, but there are also moments He blesses me with that makes it all worth it. Moments like a hug and being told I'm the best summer camp instructor they've had. Having a kid jump on my back, even though I told them not to, but knowing that they do it because they want to play with me. Being ambushed whenever I show up during one of their regular karate classes, because "Oh my goodness! SENSEI TORI IS HERE!!" Seeing a kid struggle all summer to walk away from another kid saying mean things, and then actually DO it and realize that walking away was the easiest and best thing to do in the first place. Seeing a child's face light up when they realize that they've accomplished something after a lot of hard work. Having dance parties without a care in the world. Receiving hand-drawn pictures and colored pages just for me. Being asked to watch a child jump off the diving board, because they want me to be proud of them for finally overcoming their fear. Saying bye to the campers at the end of the day and being run at at full speed for a group hug. All of these moments are blessings and are the little things that keep me going throughout each day.

God has blessed me and taught me so many things in so many ways through these children. I will never forget any of them. They will always be a part of my heart, and I will continue to pursue a career, in some way or another, that allows me to pour my heart into these children, showing them Christ's love and helping them to become the best they can possibly be.

Me and my summer campers from last summer!

Leading Paths Straight

I haven't written in a week or so, mostly because I haven't been really sure about what to talk about. I have been filled with ideas, and yet this week has had me absolutely stumped. But I think I finally decided what I'd like to write about: I'd like to talk about my future.

As most of you know, I really struggle with trusting God with my future. I am an organizer, and when it comes to planning events, doing assignments, or knowing what my summer job a year from now will be, I want to plan it right now so that I can predict exactly what to expect. However, as we all know, our plans never tend to go the way we want them to.

I'm one of those people who enjoys quite a large variety of activities and hobbies. I like knitting, karate, reading, working with kids, hiking, going on adventures, biking, watching my favorite shows, etc. The list could go on and on. After college, I could see myself working full-time for an away summer camp, being a teacher, going abroad for a year or two and teaching English, working with orphans, working with refugees, moving to Colorado, staying in Chicago, moving to Berea (where my school is) permanently, going to seminary school, working in children's ministry at a church, or just simply being a stay-at-home mom. Again, the list is endless. And you know what? Every time I think I have my life figured out, the Lord completely redirects my life into a direction I never thought it could take. Simply put, my plans never work out. However, the Lord's plans have been carried out every single time. It's in His very nature. His will be done.

I always thought my way would be best. You know the old saying, "my way or the highway." That's been my thought process for most of my life. But now that the Lord truly has a hand on my life, and I've surrendered it over to Him, my mindset has changed. I'm realizing that I can never accurately predict my future. I can't know exactly what I'm going to do a year from now. I don't know who I will be as a person, who will come in and out of my life, where I will live, what my job will be, if I'll go to graduate school, or anything else. But I'm learning to be okay with that. After all, if I knew every twist and turn my life would take, where would my adventure with the Almighty Father be?

God has brought me to such incredible events, people, places, and life experiences in just the last two years I've grown in my relationship with Him. I've met an incredible group of Christian friends on campus, have studied abroad in Ecuador, have visited Italy, have decided on my major in Education, have taught a martial arts summer camp for two summers, have gotten through multiple family crises, have gone on a missions trip to Panama City Beach, FL, and so much more in just the last two years. If you had asked me two years ago if I would have ever done any of these things, my answer to most of them would be "no way!" But that's the glory of God at work!

The more I pursue Him, the more he leads my paths straight, straight being the direction of His will for my life. I don't always understand why I'm going through what I'm going through. Sometimes it seems like a piece of cake, and other times I feel like I'll never make it out alive. However, God is good. He never leaves me. He never forsakes me. He wants the best for my life, and more than anything, for me to know Him on a deeper and deeper level.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will lead your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

From Martha to Mary

I am a Martha. I have spent my whole life worrying. Worrying about my grades. Worrying about how things will work themselves out. Worrying about my safety. Worrying that I'll end up alone for the rest of my life. Worrying that I'm not good enough for others. Worrying that my life is wasting away. Worrying that God couldn't possibly use me for anything worthy of His holy and perfect will. Martha was this person too. She worried about the little details. She worried about serving Christ from a human perspective.

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:38-42)

The first time I read this passage, I didn't think much of it. In fact, I didn't really understand what Jesus was getting at. In my mind, Martha had done nothing wrong. She was serving Christ through her hospitality, making sure everything was perfect and set for His stay at her home. I was confused by the word "distracted" thrown into this passage. Martha wasn't distracted, she was just busy preparing for the Lord! I would have been upset too if I was doing all the work and my sister was just sitting there doing nothing.

But as the Lord has been rebuilding my heart this summer, my perspective on this passage has dramatically changed. As I mentioned in my post, "In Pursuit of the One I Love," the Lord has been showing me this summer the importance of spending quality alone time with Him every day. Since this has become a habit to me, I now realize that when I go a day or more without it, my soul craves to be nearer to Him. I don't feel right, and all my paths are led astray (the opposite of what Psalm 3:6 calls me to do!). I make more sinful mistakes, I am more edgy, I am less likely to be kind to those I don't feel deserve it, I lose my patience with my summer campers, etc. Now, when I have gone a day or more without truly spending time with my Creator, it becomes extremely clear what a difference it makes in my life when I purposely set spending time with God as my priority each and every day. When I first made the conscious decision to do this, Mary's actions (or lack of in Martha's eyes) made complete sense to me for the first time.

Here's the other thing: at first when reading this passage, I didn't feel like Martha was really worried or upset as Jesus claimed her to be. She just seemed to want to serve Him in the best way she knew how. But that's exactly what I think Jesus was trying to teach her: Martha would not please Christ by serving Him through her human perspective of being hospitable, but rather through sitting quietly at His feet, willing to listen to the Truth He had to share with her and her sister. He wanted her to focus on spending quality time with Him, setting her eyes on Him, rather than trying to earn His love through her actions. God loves His creation. It doesn't matter what we do or how badly we sin, He still loves us. It's in His very nature (now, that doesn't mean that He won't turn away from us if we turn away from Him, but it does mean that His love for us does not depend on our own actions to try to make Him love us...thank goodness!). Mary recognized this. She knew there was nothing she could do to make Jesus love her more or love her less; however, she did know that she would best please Him by sitting humbly at His feet, giving Him her absolute full attention for the short time He stayed with them.

The Lord is slowly changing my heart from a Martha to a Mary. Though I still struggle not to busy myself in trying to gain His affection, He is being patient with me and showing me what it really means to simply love Him and give Him my full attention. When I do spend this quality time with Him, my actions are actually led by Him, making them more fruitful and edifying than if I had just tried to do them on my own accord.

In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will lead your paths straight. (Psalm 3:6)

Praise God!

Olympic Grandeur

Why is it that humans are so competitive? There is such a drive to win that is deeply rooted in our souls. I've been reminded of this as I've watched some of the Olympics this week. Ironically, the only part I've been able to watch so far was girls gymnastics and men's swimming, both in which USA won gold's for the night I watched them. Though this was super exciting to watch, especially with my new friends in my 20Somethings Bible Study, it really got us thinking. Why are we always rooting for those most likely to win? Why don't we start rooting for the underdogs?

Now, granted, nationalism in the strongest sense emerges when worldwide events such as the Olympics come around. But when you think about how many golds countries such as the USA and China have won over the years, you have to stop and think of why that is. Are these two countries not two of the richest countries in the entire world? Aren't they at an advantage to less wealthy opposition? Training at such a professional level costs a fortune. As I bring these questions about, I am not intending to say that I do not support my own country (USA). However, it is something to think about as we watch events such as the Olympics.

There was another thing that bothered me as I watched the Olympics a couple nights ago. I was watching a swim event in which Michael Phelps got a Silver. When the camera zoomed in on his face after he found he just barely missed winning the Gold for the umpteenth time, all he showed was a look of pure disappointment. However, the man who won Gold (who, if I'm recalling correctly, was from Australia), was jumping up in down in the water in excitement because he had never won a Gold in the Olympics before. Phelps' reaction really bothered me. How could someone with so many Gold medals really be so bothered by winning one Silver? Not only that, but the fact that he even won a Silver in the OLYMPICS is absolutely incredible! I just wish he would have found joy still placing second in such a competitive Olympic sport.

Philippians 2:3-4 says:

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

I think the Olympics can get to some of our heads sometimes. Athletes are competing to be the best in the world. But when they lose, many can't humbly accept that they have been bumped off of the pedestal. Even audience members or supporters tend to get really upset when their home country doesn't win. This verse is the reason why I disagreed with Michael Phelps' reaction to getting 2nd place.

As I reflect further on these thoughts about the Olympics, it reminds me of Hebrews 12:1-3:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Let's face it, Olympic athletes are hard workers. They train hours upon hours a day, and must discipline themselves with their time consummation, their eating habits, and always training at 110%. In this sense, I think we could all take a lesson from them in the way we pursue fulfilling the Great Commission for Christ. Yes, there will be obstacles. Yes, there will be opposition. Yes, their will be pain. And yes, we may not always win in the eyes of the world. However, Christ doesn't care about what the world deems is worthy of a "Gold." He looks at our hearts. Are they fixed on ourselves, or on humbly serving others? Are they striving to know Christ on a deeper and more personal level every single minute of every single day? Are they loving others as Christ loves us? If we start focusing on exalting the Almighty God rather than ourselves, we will win a Gold every single time.

For what is our hope, our joy, or the crown in which we will glory in the presence of our Lord Jesus when he comes? Is it not you? Indeed, you are our glory and joy. (1 Thessalonians 2:19-20)